Wednesday, October 11, 2006
I know I said that I would post a review of my friend’s book, and I will soon. But I feel compelled to relate what happen to me on my Saturday walk a week ago. I think the writing of it will pale in comparison to actually being there, but I will try to convey it the way it unfolded.
It was 5:40 pm and I started my walk singing, When I Call on Jesus. Not very loud, because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. Soon, I quit singing and was talking out loud to God.
I was anguished about something deeply personal, tired of waiting to hear back from editors, and struggling to know if my passion for writing was a huge waste of time. Besides, who wanted to read my stuff anyway? What have I accomplished? I asked Him if He really cared that I was unhappy and confused today. Why didn’t He just answer me somehow? I begged for answers to my heartfelt questions. I entered a small park, watching the children playing with their parents, their shrieks of laughter and giggles, floating across the playground. That brought a smile to my face, and lifted my heavy heart. Of course, it also brought to mind when my children were little, and I had a momentary pang of loneliness for them.
On my way back home, I was thinking about all the chores I still had to do before the day’s end. For some reason my foot starting hurting, so I walked to a bench near the tennis court. I took off my shoe and rubbed my toes. Feeling the sun over my right shoulder, I turned to look as it started to slowly go down. Then I looked ahead, then up at the sky, which is normally for me. The half-moon was rising, right above a few puffy clouds. But what I saw in the center, made me draw my breath in sharply, and hold it in disbelief. A perfect cross was formed. Not jagged, or filmy, but with clearly defined lines. I couldn’t believe it! I started to cry. It didn’t move away quickly like the other clouds, but stayed there, hanging perfectly still for at least 8 or 10 minutes. God had just communicated his love to me, an ordinary person. One who never walked on water, or calmed the sea, but just plain ole me. No one special or accomplished, but nonetheless, special to Him because He heard my cry. He knows my heart more fully than anyone else. The symbol in the sky spoke to me of His forgiveness, and what price He paid for me. I was overwhelmed! Several times in my life God has shown me His infinite grace, although I will never be worthy of this kind of unconditional love. None of us really can. Bottom line is He loves me, warts and all!
Isn’t it funny that the words I sang earlier were this: When I call on Jesus, all things are possible, mountains are gonna fall. He’ll use heaven and earth to come rescue me when I call. Call him in the morning, in the afternoon time, late in the evening, He’ll be there. When you feel discouraged and your heart is broken, you can just remember that He cares. I can mount on wings like eagles and soar…Brenda
at 10:53 PM